Of VALUES and LOVE

And then AGAIN I realized that VALUE attracts VALUE.

No hurts meant.
We are both ” guilty ”
Babies don’t know this;
They wonder why,
They say “it’s unfair”.

Grown men know better.
They harness it to their advantage

To him who HAS;
MORE will be given.

Don’t stop growing,
Keep your aroma fresh everyday,
Don’t get used to the good old,
People know how to move on.

Even ” I LOVE you” is motivated by this.

#BitterTruths

—————————————–
Still me; 
Paul Shola Oguntade

~I think, I write, I speak, I CREATE, I earn.

@paul_shola
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How are you CREATING the STORY that will CREATE your DESTINY?

Adulthood is meaningless
except it is interpreted from the stories of
childhood.

Your story is your destiny.

You need to take a second look at it, put the past
in perspective and get intentional in creating the
STORIES OF TODAY and tomorrow, because today’s
actions create the stories for tomorrow’s thinking
and behavior.

What in the “NOW” will you do DIFFERENTLY?

Read More on what Olakunle Sorinyan has to say on this;

I’m Good At What I Do (by AV’t)

My name is Paul Shola Oguntade; I am an author, a Career and Talent Coach. I help people to discover what they have, to grow, nurture and position it for relevance and economic value.

I think, I speak, I write, I design, I earn… and I’m Good At What I DO

Living in the past?

The cost of living in the past is highly expensive. It is painful to have regrets about your decisions in the past; it causes depression, anger, self hatred, low self esteem. Above all it causes delay, a clouded mind, and confusion; it eventually leads to no progress.

We all have times we have failed before; for some theirs is uncountable it’s almost like a second nature. Whenever we fail, we must understand that failure is an event, not a nature; an event that occurred as a result of past decisions, most times daily accumulated decisions. Failure is more of a feed back than a plague that suddenly comes upon an individual.

Decisions are made daily and in time they accumulate into results, the outcome of that result is what we either call success or failure.

I speak from experience; so trust me!

When goals are not achieved, we are not happy; that in it self is an okay feeling. What is however wrong is to keep dwelling in regret; LIFE IS LIVED FORWARD and not backward (a lesson I learnt late). All RESULTS ARE FEEDBACKS whether it is failure or success, and feed backs only have one purpose; to teach and instruct on what, and how to.

Forgiveness in this matter is very important. I like the story of the prodigal son… I find it very instructive. One lesson I have learnt is that, concerning our life’s journey and purpose, the person who audits us is God our creator not anyone else. And He of all does not condemn you after a failing. It’s like you squandered billions of dollars on frivolities, and each time you do that your parents are willing to forgive you and set you up again. Do you know how humbling and transformational that knowledge would be?

In LIVING LIFE FORWARD, you must learn forgiveness. Another thing you need to learn is acceptance.

Most times what make regrets depressing is that we subconsciously wish that the failure is not true- and that of all things is self deceit and deception. At one second you fantasize how beautiful it would have been, and in split seconds later, reality nudges you back to life, and you become sadder than you were before.

TO THYSELF BE TRUE… learn to accept that what has happened has happened and no amount of worry or tears can undo it. By that I don not prescribe complacency, but rather a readiness to re-fire, to take actions based on re-evaluation and not regret. LEARN, GO and GROW.

REPENTACE is living life forward.

~God bless you!

Progression

Lets just keep moving… PROGRESS has a process, and in that process there has to be CONSISTENCY. You must be able to also move with so much dose of FAITH and PATIENCE. If you stumble, get up! and KEEP MOVING, also AUDIT regularly.

Self Awareness

In this world where you are only celebrated for your uniqueness and difference; SELF AWARENESS or what I call INTIMACY WITH SELF is a necessary skill we all need to have.

Failure is an EVENT

How you see what you see matters, it determines your approach and response.

Failure has its effects on progress no doubt, it causes depression and sadness whenever it occurs. For me, I have had my failing times, and I have discovered in all that your response and approach is as a result of your perspective of failure.

We are in an imperfect world; no doubt things will not always go right. However, what is sure is that we can always do better.

Here is the paradigm shift;

You failed because you took a wrong approach. So failure is simply a FEEDBACK. It is a message telling you to correct something. Failure is an EVENT, it is not a nature. It is not an eternal tag you must bear forever!

~Shela

The GOAL

PROLOGUE

TODAY 22-06-2013, I am TWENTY-Something Years Old

 

My name is Paul Shola Oguntade, at this writing I am three years above two decades. And HONESTLY, I have lived a MAJOR part of these years DOING NOTHING.

I grew up like everyone else; from suckling to crawling, crèche, Kindergarten, primary school, secondary school, university; with a few other menus in between.

Growing up I have always been a bright child, loved by everyone and well known in the schools I attended, and a star among the group. Good grades were common to me, though at no time did I top a class, but I was always doing well.

Along the line I did some paint works, I also wrote a drama that was presented at an organisation I once worked with. I’ve had articles written, some published and some not published. At a point I wanted to be in the banking sector, at another I started considering rap music, later it was to become an electrical and electronics engineer. I have had so many dreams, I had sometimes decided to go into book writing; first it was academic books, then religious books, then novels.

All along I had been having movement of some sort.

Talking about IDENTITY CRISIS, I have had a good share of it. PEER PRESSURE, LOW-SELF ESTEEM, Urban-Culture and its DISTRACTIONS, you name it; I have been there before.

Looking back I am grateful for those times. Now I empathize instead of castigating young folks who still linger in that state or even adults in their 30s and 40s with a marriage, some kids and wonderful living apartment, a good job, pays and pecks inclusive. For these folks, SELF-DISCOVERY or SELF-IDENTITY is not available. And so they just exist to survive, they range from the very broke individuals to the very rich of the society. As annoying as it may seem this is the truth about most of the everyday men and women we interact with in the society.

For me SELF-DISCOVERY came quite late.

It all started when I was getting tired with the result I have gotten over time, and how directionless I was moving. If you asked me what my dreams are, I would not know which of the many desires I should recite to you. To make matters worse I had many influences dictating to me what should be the ‘right’ thing to do with my life; parents, peers, society, media, heroes, heroines, elders and statesmen, school teachers, school books,  and school grades, prophets and sages- everyone had something to say.

Because I was tired and was already getting claustrophobic about my state, I started to seek answers; from books, older folks, ‘fathers and mothers’, everyone and everything I could turn to. So many words, semantics and synonyms came my way or should I say I came across them as I searched. Words like DESTINY, PURPOSE, VISION, MISSION, GOALS, CALLING, PREDESTINATION, DREAMS, LIFE, and AMBITION and so on. I read many authors, each one having his/her own perspective about these words, at a point they all would make sense, at another point, I began to get confused again.

Some told me about my talents, others talked about passion, a burden, a need, an inner voice, predestination, a call. The indicators are many and I can’t recall all now. Each time, the indicators would make sense until I come across another, then I am back to square one again.

All these made me ask the question every sane man had asked himself/herself at one point or the other in his life. How we have individually phrased the question could have varied but the intent is the same.

So I asked myself, WHAT IS THE GOAL OF MY LIFE, or rather WHAT IS THE GOAL OF LIFE in general. I knew I needed a holistic understanding of the whole picture in order to know where and how I fit in.

If you have been as inquisitive as I have been, you would have gotten answers that could have all together succeeded in confusing you today. I not am writing a critic to others expressions, all I am doing here is to share with you my experience and what I have discovered.

So here it is; in this e-book I have decided to title THE GOAL-the history of every thing and what matters most, I would share with you my discovery on life’s most important question. I do not plan to add to the list of answers we already have on bookshelves and MP3 CDs, NO! What I am here to do is to paint the WHOLE PICTURE and then allow you to go ahead to make your decisions about life.

I DO NOT HAVE A FORMULA TO GIVE!

At the end of this e-book, I would have succeeded not to tell you what to do with your life, or how you should define your life. What would happen is that I would reveal to you the course of life, and allow your God-given conscience to point the direction in which you should go

 DOWNLOAD HERE…. GO!

ON PRESSURES 2 (The Hierarchy of Personal Development)

You are not who you truly are, you are who you have become. The last time you were your self was a few seconds after your birth. –OLAKUNLE SORINYAN

The success or failure of pressure depends on the content of the pressurized container. – PAUL SHOLA OGUNTADE

We are all products of influence; influence from family, culture, tutors, neighbour, neighbourhood, media, friends; the list goes on and on. In the previous edition, I talked about the prevailing pressures in the cosmos of the humans and how they have permeated into us and are now affecting us. I also talked about how there is need for some internalized content in order to stand the pressures without. This was based on the central statement of this series which says that “The success or failure of pressure depends on the content of the pressurized container.”

If we must get out of the hold of these pressures and be truly free to find the expression of ourselves, then what this second part has to say is of great importance.

Changing the pictures and videos in our minds is needed. Be not conformed to the patterns of this world but be TRANSFORMED by RENEWING your mind, is the injunction of the bible in the book of Romans.

The mind of man is like a book; its content defines a lot about us. And so I have come to understand that PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT in the right direction is the RE-ENGINEERING that we all need. There is need to begin to rewrite the content of our individual minds in order to change it to the type that will deliver what is required for Growth and Productivity. This also requires that purpose, goal, priority and need must be clarified at first. Then growth criteria or growth needs can be conveniently identified. The knowledge of these two can be placed beside the current level or state of performance to enable for a more proactive step towards growth (solution).

In plain terms;

• Know what you want, or rather where you ought to be
• Know where you are, and
• Know what is needed to get there.

There is a set of basic growth standard we must all attain, in my own words; I call it the growth hierarchy. It is a summary of the basic skills every talent (Person) ought to possess in a good measure. It is in three stages, they are;

• Primary Development
• Secondary Development
• Tertiary Development

The Primary Development has to do with educating and developing the mind, emotions and will. In fuller details one must build competence in the following;

1. 1.     Emotional intelligence: Self control self awareness, empathy, stress management, conflict resolution, delaying gratification, intuitiveness, knowing the difference between thoughts and feelings, good intra-personal skill.

1. 2.     Intellectual and cognitive skill: Ability to be logical in reasoning, Problem solving, and decision making. Well educated thought process and pattern, and perception.
2. 3.     Level of pro-activeness: That is taking action by causing change and not only reacting to change when it happens.
3. 4.     Personal leadership and management: Ability to cast a vision, set plans, and marshal yourself and all necessary resources available for the achievement of certain goals, tasks, or objective. Being able to follow through the processes and pay attention to the details. This could be on a goal, a project, day to day activities, as concerning our relationships. Generally in all the roles we play in life.
4. 5.     Solid values and belief system: Virtues, habits, thought patterns as well as paradigms for success and a note worthy life.
5. 6.     Effectiveness: In summary being productive.

All these would culminate into your general character, attitude behaviour, and efficiency

The Secondary Development has to do with the acquisition of social skill, or rather having social intelligence. In fuller details one must build competence in the following;

1. 1.     Communication skill: Being a good listener, and question ‘asker‘; distinguishing between what someone does or says and your own reactions or judgments about it.
2. 2.     Interpersonal relationship: Being able to understand others; what motivates them, how they work, and how to work and relate cooperatively with them.
3. 3.     Team spirit: An enthusiastic and positive attitude toward working productively with a team or work group.
4. 4.     Leadership skill: Ability to marshal the creative resources and interest of people towards the achievement of a goal, task or purpose willingly and enthusiastically. The ability to influence, and still not be a dictator.

Both Primary and Secondary Development would build a Talent (a Person) for personal and public competences. The Tertiary Development has to do with acquiring economic skill or competencies. This is where efforts are made by a piano player to become as grand as Ludwig Van Beethoven or Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

The Tertiary Development has to do with;

1. 1.     Skill sets for Professionalism and
2. 2.     Skill sets for building Economic value

It has to do with moving from Talent to Product™ or turning Talent to Enterprise™.

NOTE: No law says you must be done with the primary development before ever attaining the secondary and then the tertiary developments. In reality, the tree levels are more like a continuum, they are interwoven. Building competence in them is not one after the other, they happen into each other. The needed thing is to know their importance and why we all need them. In reality, as one is building competence at one level, the other levels could also be involved and ongoing.

However, if you study closely, you will see that competence in primary development would make secondary development more possible, and both of them in good measure will foster Tertiary development.

That is why attention must be given to the foundational level of Primary development. It is what makes a Talent (a person) become effective, it builds character and a solid personality. It can’t be done away with. In fact without competence in it, folks become socially misfit, and in the long run they end up being wasted talents.

We are social animals among other things that we are, and this earth is a social environment, hence secondary development is needed in our day to day roles. It comes into play even in our perception of our surrounding environment and the world in general. It is needed in our interactions with the outside world.

Primary development helps in our personal and internal world, and secondary development helps in our outer world. Tertiary development builds us for economic relevance. In all, these are competences that when built and imbibed, they transform us into better person, and consequently help in outgrowing weaknesses.

ON PRESSURES (Part1)

There is pressure everywhere;

• Atmospheric
• Peer
• Cultural
• Family
• Political
• Economic
• Social
• Religious
• Media

The competition and the factors of competition are endless…  From my knowledge of pressure; its success or failure depends on the content of the pressurised object. So on this veritable background will I build this discuss.

Pressure is everywhere, and the success or failure of it on an object depends on the content of the pressurized object.

Atmospheric pressure at ground level has never killed any human, at least to the best of my knowledge. The simple explanation is that the whole of our internal volume and pressure outweighs the atmospheric.

The principle works like this; if a can is brought to a place with higher atmospheric pressure than the pressure within the can, what happens is that the can gets crushed. As one ascends, atmospheric pressure decreases, but as one descends deeper away from sea level, it increases. Hence at depths such as bottom of some oceans, the only object that would stand the pressure is something like a ball that is without a hollow within, e.g. a ball bearing.

Peer, cultural, family, political, economical, social, religious, and media pressures are all types of pressure peculiar to humans. But unlike atmospheric pressure; they have been killing and will always kill until the end of time.

Except we want to be unrealistic, pressures will never end, so the question we should ask is twofold; one is how have those who thrived made it and the consequential  question is how can we also?

The statement ‘pressure only succeed or fail based on content’ at this point tells us there is also a need for some kind of content. My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge, are the words written in the book of Hosia of the bible.

Politically we get cheated because of ignorance of some sort. Leaders are mismanaging the state and its resources because they don’t understand the importance of nation building. The same applies for the economic decisions that have cost us much today.

Families are down turned because they are headed and run by men who lack understanding of their place and spouses who know not what to do per time. Young folks are corroding under the pressure of peer, just because of poor self image amongst other causes. The media has been set as a yard stick for all, whereas it has only succeeded to corrode lives and thus create a distracted generation.

We are so held back by the depth of ignorance, mediocrity and status quo the philosophy our culture contains. Our culture preaches-”jeje laye”- meaning being easy on yourself is what life requires. When the scripture actually said the kingdom of God suffered violence and the violent alone take it. How much more this present life. Our culture has never told us how unfair life truly is and how only what you fight for is what you get and not what you deserve.  Our culture believes in fate. It sees destiny has fate and not as a journey of deliberateness and choice making.

KNOWLEDGE is the key, if not in time past it is now. And by knowledge I mean corrective useful knowledge. The number one thing we must wrestle is the much ignorance we dwell in. PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT in the right direction can give us stability against prevailing pressures.

The statement; Pressure is everywhere, and the success or failure of it on an object depends on the content of the pressurized object depicts that there is need for that there is need for SOLID and INTERNALIZED VALUES, HABITS and CREEDS that would not be compromised for any reason or any circumstances.

Complexities and the nature of things are intensifying.  For any person, group, nation or continent to thrive in this ever growing system; we must embrace new paradigm. We must embrace thought revolution and change the mindset that has made us rotate on the same circle since time past till now.

In the continuing article I’ll introduce you to what is called the hierarchy of personal development.